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If I were Alex Rodriguez ...

"Ladies and gentlemen, good afternoon, and thank you for being here. This is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do, so please bear with me. I called this press conference because I wanted to come clean and take full responsibility for my actions. Unfortunately, what you've heard about me is true; I did make the mistake of using steroids several years ago when I was with the Texas Rangers. In doing so, I cheated myself, my friends, my family, the fans, and all the great players who have ever played this game. I'd do anything in the world to undo this regrettable decision, but I can't, and I'm sorry for letting all of you down..."