OPINION:
When I was younger, the only reason my parents would warn someone to stay away for Christmas was because they feared the combination of spiked eggnog and icy streets. I never imagined my parents would be telling the family to stay away from one another because they feared grandma could contract a disease.
Of course, that’s different this year. The ripples of coronavirus have touched every dimension of society and have especially taken a toll this holiday season. With over 18 million confirmed cases of COVID-19 and fears of a new strain spreading on the horizon, it makes sense that we’d second-guess going home.
That’s such a shame. After all, 2020 was hard enough. We all could have done without a diminished holiday season. But we have to make do with what we have, and, for what it’s worth, we might learn a lot more than we ever would have about the power of giving.
Many extended family members will miss unwrapping presents because states have been issuing strict cross-household exposure guidelines. Some, like California, are going as far as to enforce stay-at-home orders.
And even if some families do get together, opinions over the pandemic are proving incredibly divisive. Polls are showing that while 60% of people still plan on attending a Christmas gathering, a whopping 41% report having had heated arguments that will cause emotional fallout far after the holidays.
There’s a lot on the line, and the only way to prevent the degradation of familial bonds is to tweak our expectations of what Christmas this year can, and should, look like.
This year, people are scared to go under the mistletoe. The Christmas Eve dinner table is going to have empty seats, and, instead of grandpa placing his gift in your hand, it will probably be an Amazon delivery driver placing it at your doorstep.
To some die-hard Christmas zealots, it may seem like the beginning of the end for holiday traditions, but the call to action is as simple as the messages found in Hallmark Christmas movie specials: Christmas is never about receiving, it’s about giving.
This year, in order to preserve the goodness that Christmas does to unite families, we all must try to adapt our traditions to these unfavorable circumstances.
Now isn’t the time to wallow in frustration or take a pass on Christmas. Many loved ones have endured hardships this past year and could really use the love of family more than ever.
Living in a divorced family, I’m used to having to balance conflicting interests and the pressure to be in two places at the same time. Having performed my Christmas juggling act for seven years, I’ve learned that concessions are better than nothing and special moments don’t always happen in person.
Meeting family members’ expectations — especially when those family members hold different views on the necessity of COVID-19 guidelines — is tricky. But it’s not impossible.
For example, knowing that my mother has recovered from cancer this year and plans on staying away from extended family, I figured she would be the person that would benefit the most from me visiting her. Even if it means wearing a mask and enjoying apple cider six feet apart on lawn chairs, I’ll be there.
Since I’ve chosen to be at my mom’s, I’ve made small sacrifices to appease my father’s side. In the spirit of giving effort, I took off needed workdays to drive four hours on a weekday before Christmas just to deliver my younger brother’s presents in person. I knew my father and brother were disappointed to not have me for Christmas, but their gracious smiles suggested they would make it to next year just fine.
Again, brokering where you go and who you see may be costly this year, but the joy you spread by communicating to your people that you care will be appreciated for months to come.
It may be easy — tempting even — to ignore those family members who refuse to attend Christmas festivities. But chances are those family members are probably the ones that need the most attention.
Even though the fear of coronavirus has fairly compelled my grandmother to keep to her apartment, I still plan on trying to make her day with a Zoom call. She usually gives me two large bags of Christmas cookies every year, and in an effort to adapt that tradition, I’m going to call her while making cookies that I plan on sending to her instead.
This Christmas doesn’t need to be full of grand gestures to make people forget about the pandemic. If anything, it’s an opportunity to show that simple effort to continue holiday traditions through trying times can bring people the momentary relief they need to make it through this season of life. If we work for it, it can still be the best season of the year.
• Tanner Aliff is a Portland-based Young Voices contributor who writes on domestic policy with concentrations in American culture and health care policy.
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