BILLINGSLEY, Ala. (AP) - Madison Motley almost became a sad statistic.
Motley survived a suicide attempt on March 2 and the 17-year-old Billingsley softball player has used the pain and experience to grow stronger. She’s speaking out about the life-changing event to help others.
“It’s one of the biggest blessings of my life,” Motley said. “Being able to go through what I’ve been though and come out even stronger, God allowed me to have a second chance at life. I’m glad I had to go through this and if there’s anybody out there that wants to talk to somebody, I’m here. I’ve been through the things they’re going through.”
The statistics on suicide are staggering. Once every 13 minutes someone tries to commit suicide and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates that 2.7 million people planned how they would commit suicide in 2013.
The CDC also reported that 17 percent of high school students seriously considered attempting suicide and eight percent attempted suicide one or more times in the previous 12 months.
A study presented at the Pediatric Academic Societies Meeting on May 7 reported that children’s hospitals admissions for suicidal thoughts or actions more than doubled during the past decade.
Back in March, Motley awoke from a horrible nightmare early on that Thursday morning. A tumultuous and sometimes verbally abusive relationship with a boy in school had ended badly a few months earlier and Motley dreamed he died in a car crash. The dream culminated a period of deep depression with Motley eating little, sleeping less and withdrawing from friends and family.
She took a belt and tightened it around her neck. Over the next hour, Motley gradually increased the tension.
“I thought it would be better if I was gone,” Motley said. “I honestly felt it was the best way out, the best way I could take away the pain and all I was going through.”
Her father, Bill, found her. Bill and wife, Crystal, called their preacher, whose wife is a counsellor. A trip to the doctor followed and Madison went to Children’s Hospital in Birmingham. Motley spent the rest of the night in the emergency room and was admitted the following day.
It wasn’t the first time Motley attempted suicide, but no one knew of the earlier attempt.
“We found out a lot of things when she started therapy at Children’s,” Crystal said. “I knew something was different because she had gotten real defiant. When I’d tell her ’no’ about something she tried to do it anyway. Not anything bad, but everything I said she was ’why, why.’
“I knew something was going on, but I couldn’t pinpoint it until after it happened. After everything you look back and understand that’s why she was acting that way.”
Softball helped Motley during the tough times since.
“My teammates have supported me and helped me get through this,” Motley said. “Being able to play softball is a great blessing to me.
“Softball has allowed me to get things off my mind, go out and practice and not think about things. It helps relieve a lot of stress.”
Motley fell in love with baseball as a toddler because of the joy she saw in her dad when he played the sport. She started playing baseball at age 5 and soon switched to softball. Motley also cheered, dabbled in basketball and gymnastics, but softball was her passion.
She earned a spot on the Billingsley varsity softball team as a seventh-grader. The Bears advanced to the Class 1A title game in 2016 when Motley was a sophomore and finished as state runner-up.
Motley’s play earned her a spot on the all-tournament team.
Billingsley, a rural town of less than 200 people in Autauga County, supports the high school and the community often revolves around the school’s sports. Everyone celebrated the softball team’s success, but little happens in small towns that everyone else doesn’t know about almost immediately.
Some questioned Motley’s suicide attempt.
“I got told a lot after it happened that I was a teenager looking for attention and that’s all I wanted.” Motley said. “It was not for attention. I wanted to be gone and not be here anymore. I was really serious about ending it.”
Motley continues to attend counselling. She has good days along with some bad times, but everything is mostly positive.
“I feel that I’m stronger than I was before,” said Motley, one of four children. “Being able to experience this, it was really hard on me, but seeing how it affected my parents, my siblings and my friends and people I’m close to, even though I was in pain and trying to take the pain away, the pain would still be here for everyone else if I wasn’t here.
“My parents and my friends know me. They know I’m supposed to be here. I’m slowly working on getting the negative out of my head.”
The experience continues to shape Motley. She not only hopes her story can help others, but Motley wants to give back even more. She plans to become an occupational therapist after high school.
“I’ve talked to a few people who have been in this situation,” Motley said. “It has really helped me a lot to tell people my story and allow them to hear what I’ve been through.
“If you ever feel like you’re at rock bottom, talk to someone and don’t take action on it because there’s always somebody to talk to. You might think that they don’t understand, but they do understand, especially me. I just don’t want anybody to feel like they don’t have anybody and they’re just useless in this world. God loves them and there’s somebody out there for them that loves them and cares about them and wouldn’t want them to do what I tried to do.”
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