ANALYSIS/OPINION:
Do not believe the hype.
I’m here to tell y’all that not all of the stars of “The Real Housewives of Potomac” are really wives.
I also want you to know — if you don’t know by now — that not all well-to-do black women in general, and black women in Potomac in particular, wear hair weaves. And their skin color is not always the same shade as a paper bag.
I’m hating on “The Real Housewives of Potomac” mostly because of the yakety-yak about the lack of diversity among the Oscar acting nominations — i.e., nary a black person to be found.
What else to expect from elitists who didn’t even pick a black guy to play Michael Jackson in a British flick that’s going to make light of 9/11? Joseph Fiennes, a Brit, is to play the King of Pop; a Scotsman is reportedly set for the Marlon Brando role; and American Stockard Channing, who at least has raven locks like Elizabeth Taylor, will take on the last queen of Hollywood. (Finding an actress with Liz’s mesmerizing violet eyes was next to impossible, I’m certain.)
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At least Miss Channing has more than hair color and acting in common with Miss Taylor. Young Stockard attended the prestigious Madeira School in Northern Virginia, and Miss Taylor was once married to Virginia Sen. John Warner.
“The Real Housewives of Potomac,” which aired its first episode Jan. 17, is Bravo’s second attempt at trying to penetrate the Beltway with sudsy nonsense. It first attempt, “The Real Housewives of D.C.,” imploded after nine episodes in 2010, and TV host/producer Andy Cohen and Bravo bravely yanked the plug.
I have seen both episodes of “Potomac,” but if Mr. Cohen thinks it’s going to be a smash, I offer three insights.
1) Writers are not playing up Charrisse Jackson Jordan’s split personality.
The wife of Rutgers basketball coach Eddie Jordan, a former NBA player and Wizards coach, appears to be a great mom who also is civic-minded, but she turns cat-like when she doesn’t get things her way. Give her diva-like story lines. (Hint: More like Joan Collins’ clawing Alexis Carrington from “Dynasty” than sweet-faced Linda Evans’ Krystle.)
2) Stop talking about race, religion and etiquette.
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The writers don’t get it but should; the “Housewives” don’t get it, so the viewers don’t it. Black women no more smack themselves in the face every morning and say, “Damn, I’m still black,” than other women do. At least attempt to tell us how these “Housewives” spend their time.
3) Scratch the phony “black bourgeois.” It’s a class thing. (Hint: Shonda Rhimes gets it. Andy Cohen, not so much.)
Soap operas became American cultural staples because listeners and viewers related to the storylines or dreamed of living the life the characters lived. In a similar vein, reality TV has busted out all over because it takes us inside the lives of See, you can fill in the blanks.
Mr. Cohen’s latest doesn’t give us even a peek. We just know the “Housewives” are unmottled with lots and lots of hair.
The way “The Real Housewives of Potomac” is headed, viewers soon will treat it like the greasy brown paper bag it is.
• Deborah Simmons can be reached at dsimmons@washingtontimes.com.
• Deborah Simmons can be reached at dsimmons@washingtontimes.com.
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