ISVARI MOHAN: Gay marriage and the Supreme Court

Love is supposed to be red. Not rainbow or blue, pink, white or whatever else it is that LGBTQ campaigners think it is. Right?

I grew up in a home that did not teach me what being gay (or bisexual or transgender or queer) was from the time I was young. My mom told me what it was about when I was 8 or 9. My first college class, which I took when I was 11, was taught by a gay professor who was genuinely awesome, but made me uncomfortable. I found it awkward to think of guys kissing guys or girls kissing girls.

In fact, in a world of teen-age sex and quickie divorces, I still believe in the perfect marriage, which involves one family name, a one-knee proposal, fidelity, and till-death-do-we-part stuff. I’m a huge believer in traditional marriage.

Which is why I support the right of gays to marry. And I hope the U.S. Supreme Court realizes this as well later this year, when it tackles gay rights cases. The fact that I’m a supporter of traditional marriage is exactly the reason I support gay marriage equality. I think marriage is better than a partnership, and I want them to have their version of a perfect happy family, just as much as I want to have mine.

Back at 15, though, I wanted a reason to continue not supporting it. I wasn’t against gays doing what they wanted to privately (and I’ve never supported anti-homosexual laws or discriminatory practices). But I was tired of gay marriage being shoved down my throat. I was tired of my definition of “marriage” being assaulted. I wanted to be able to explain to others why I didn’t want the Supreme Court to decide yet. So I googled, “Good reasons to not support gay marriage.”

And you want to know the truth? There is not a single good reason gays shouldn’t marry. Here’s what people say:

“Gay marriage is not marriage.” Yes, but this depends on how you define marriage. I don’t want to define Kim Kardashian’s 72-day marriage as a marriage, but it is. I don’t have the right to tell them what is or isn’t a marriage.

“It violates natural law.” Humans don’t “naturally” even mate for life. Adultery might, in fact, be more natural. Our closest relatives are the bonobo chimpanzees and they have homosexual sex. Also, computers violate natural law. As does your reading this on the Internet right now.

“Gays will have gay children, promoting a homosexual lifestyle.” Right, because straight parents only have straight kids. At any rate, I knew I found it uncomfortable, but what’s actually wrong with a homosexual lifestyle?

Ah, here’s the answer:

“It creates a naturally sterile union and the purpose of marriage is procreation.” Old or infertile people marrying also would be sterile and the purpose of marriage is definitely not procreation. I wasn’t sure of the details at 15, but I was pretty sure you could procreate without marriage. The purpose of marriage is to promote love, stable relationships, and family. Gays do just fine, statistically, in all those respects.

“It undercuts the norm of sexual fidelity within marriage.” Um, no. That’s what lots of straight celebrities are for. (Think Brad Pitt, or Herman Cain, or Arnold Schwarzenegger.) Neil Patrick Harris, totally gay, has been with the same guy since 2004. Ellen DeGeneres has been with the same girl. That’s a decade — i.e., infinity in celebrity terms.

“It offends God.” I can’t argue with its offending your God, but it sure doesn’t offend mine. If God exists, I don’t think he would be homophobic. At any rate, this is the problem. Our country is not based on valuing one person’s belief system over another. And it can’t choose your God over mine.

“Women and marriage domesticate men.” Hahahahahahah. Oh wait, you’re serious?

There are, of course, people who still think it’s not for the Supreme Court to decide. They don’t hate gays, and they may not even be super religious (so, stop the stereotypes), but they’re stuck viewing the world the way I did when I was 15.

I’ve heard a lot of people argue that the Supreme Court shouldn’t twist the Constitution to apply to gay marriage. But the court has done it before. In fact, it’s exactly what the court does. This is a full-faith and credit issue and there is the constitutional question of whether gays are granted the right to marry (under the 14th Amendment). The meaning of the Constitution has changed over time. And the Supreme Court does allow it to make changes in social policy. While Roe v. Wade is still controversial, I’m sure we all agree that it’s a good thing the court liberally interpreted the commerce clause (which is technically only supposed to be about commerce) to allow Congress to pass civil rights reform.

So, yes, I am a supporter of gay rights and gay marriage.

But I’m also a supporter of understanding. When I didn’t support gay marriage, it was not because I was super religious, or super stupid and uninformed, or because I was a closeted gay. And neither are many of the people who don’t support gay marriage today. It takes time to accept people who are different, time to change beliefs. Some day maybe people “marrying” dogs will be OK and maybe people will be able to genetically create a perfect child. I’m sure that marijuana will be legal everywhere, that robots will have emotional intelligence, and that women won’t have to shave. But don’t tell me to accept all of it now. I don’t want to. And neither do many of you. This is why tradition is a good thing.

At the end of the day, I’m pretty much an animal-rights supporting, eco-conscious, politically liberal feminist. But just like LGBTQ people should not be stereotyped, I shouldn’t be either. I’m also socially conservative, am proud of being a woman and think that it’s that fine society has created gender roles (insofar as they are equal roles). I do think children are better off when the mother stays at home for a while. I like that women wear dresses and men don’t. I appreciate chivalry (sometimes).

But these are my viewpoints. Not yours. Not Ellen DeGeneres’. And not Laverne Cox’s. And I have no right to tell them how to live happy, fulfilling lives. I have no right to define marriage for them. And neither does the government. I hope the Supreme Court agrees.

Gays want to get married, because married couples live longer, they will get all sorts of legal benefits (like visiting each other in the hospital, making medical decisions for each other, and adopting children together), they deserve the equal right to marriage, and, most importantly, they love each other.

Marriage is as important to many of them as it is to many of us.

And if there’s one thing that’s true about all the Valentine’s Day stories that crossed genders and races and sexualities, it’s this: Love is not red or blue or rainbow, people. It’s blind.

Isvari Mohan is the author of the war drama “The Eyes of Mikra,” a singer, and a Global Law Scholar at Georgetown Law.