One can’t help but think that prepubescent fantasies of marrying Britain’s Prince Harry inspired the production of the Hallmark Channel’s “A Royal Christmas,” which premieres Saturday at 8 p.m. EST.
Today’s equivalent of Walt Disney’s erstwhile family entertainment, Hallmark Channel programs perhaps come off as corny, but they do provide a pleasant alternative to the dark, violent fare offered on other channels. Usually.
However, “A Royal Christmas” sinks so deeply into fantasy that it might be difficult for even the middle school crowd to wrap their minds around the commoner-wins-prince-and-transforms-a-kingdom storyline.
The movie is one of 12 originals that the Hallmark Channel began rolling out on Halloween as part of its “Countdown to Christmas” programming.
Jane Seymour (formerly the star of CBS’ “Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman”) plays Queen Isadora of Cordinia, the movie’s answer to Queen Elizabeth II of Britain.
Her real-life daughter, Katherine Flynn, plays Natasha, Duchess of Warren, who is expected to marry the film’s version of Prince Harry — Isadora’s only son Prince Leopold, played by British theater actor Stephen Hagan.
Lacey Chabert (“Party of Five,” “Mean Girls”) rounds out the main cast as Emily Corrigan, a seamstress who works in her father’s tailor shop in Philadelphia. While attending business school in her hometown, she meets dashing European student Leo James, and they fall in love.
However, a mysterious phone call forces Leo to reveal to the unsuspecting Emily that he is really Prince Leopold of Cordinia, a duchy near Switzerland. His mother has summoned him home for Christmas, though he’d rather spend the holidays with Emily, her father Bud (Mitchell Mullen) and her gal pal Toni (Katrina Nare).
This, surprisingly, isn’t the unbelievable part.
The blue-blood Leopold invites the blue-collar Emily to travel with him to Cordinia to meet the queen, and to spend Christmas with him and his mother in the family’s castle. Emily tries to make herself feel at home — by wearing footed pajamas around the palace, cajoling the household staff into treating her as an equal, inappropriately hugging dignitaries upon first meeting and befriending a young orphan who (surprise!) becomes friends with the royals.
Aghast that Leopold has chosen a love interest below his station, Queen Isadora and spurned ex-girlfriend Natasha do everything to quash the romance by making Isadora feel unwelcomed — from outright rudeness to serving haggis (sheep’s bladder stuffed with offal) for dinner.
Emily flees to Philadelphia, with Leopold in hot pursuit, and the queen (whose change of heart is signified by her now modern hairstyle and trendy clothes) prods the commoner to accept her heir’s marriage proposal.
The prince and the pauper marry in a modest chapel, and after the ceremony the queen apologizes to all the guests and reveals her hopes that there no longer will be any class divisions in her realm.
The script — written by Janeen and Michael Damian, and Tippi and Neal Dobrofsky — includes some truly eye roll-inducing dialogue. At one point, Leo tells Emily that the only titles he cares about are Mr. and Mrs. when they are married.
One wants to believe that a dose of fantasy can add to kids’ dreams, but when it revolves around cringe-inducing stereotypes, it has the makings of a nightmare.
Sure, let your kids watch “A Royal Christmas” this weekend — but parental guidance is recommended.
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