LONDON — Far from being exclusive to hangover sufferers excusing themselves from work, being economic with the truth appears to be a way of life for just about everyone.
Each of us, according to a new survey by a British beverage firm, will tell an average total of 88,000 lies over the course of our lives.
According to the firm’s poll of 2,500 men and women, “Nothing is wrong — I’m fine” tops what it says is a lengthy list of common lies.
That’s 1,460 untruths a year — or more than four in every day of an average, 60-year adult lifetime.
Other favorites include, “No, your bottom doesn’t look big in that” to a wife or girlfriend; “Of course I love you” to a boring spouse or partner; and “This tastes delicious.”
The survey, sponsored by the makers of a vodka-based beverage called WKD, also suggests that men tell the most fibs, “coming out with [on average] five every day, compared with women, who lie just three times,” according to a spokesman.
But, as many men will tell you, some of those female falsehoods are real whoppers, especially — as 44 percent of them do — they speak nonsense about the damage done to the family budget by that new trouser suit or Imelda Marcos-style shoes.
Still, insisted the WKD spokesman, “fortunately, most of the fibs we unearthed are only white lies and nothing too serious.” In fact, he added, “although we have revealed that most people tell porkies quite regularly, they are more often than not told to spare people’s feelings rather than to cause upset.”
“Porkies” is Cockney rhyming slang for lies — “pork pies” rhymes with “lies.”
Upset may be in the eye of the beholder. The poll could have stepped into a potential minefield when it disclosed that 29 percent of the men whom it surveyed had lied about flirting with women other than their spouses.
Still, some less-personal areas are subject to particular opprobrium, such as the ones that come — often unsolicited — over the phone: “Congratulations, your name has been automatically selected to win a major prize,” is a special unfavorite.
Right up there also is the recorded announcement, “Your call is important to us, so please stay on the line,” which can, in fact, cost an hour or more of your time, not to mention money.
And there is the time-dishonored message from the cab company that “the taxi will be there in two minutes.”
Other white-lie leaders are probably familiar to most people, such as replying “Nice to see you” to someone you thought had disappeared long ago, or “The check’s in the mail” to forestall having to pay an electric bill with money that had long ago been spent.
The list goes on: “We’re just friends,” to explain the eye candy on a man’s arm; “My watch stopped,” to hide the three hours that you may have spent at the local bar when you should have been at your desk; and “I’ve been in meetings all day,” often to avoid talking to your wife/girlfriend/lawyer/bill collector/whomever.
Another, in this immediate post-Christmas summation period, is the all-too-oft repeated, “It’s just what I’ve always wanted,” as you dangle the latest horrendous gift offering.
This does prove that some white lies can serve a truthfully useful purpose. This one is a hardy perennial, and possibly one of those really most worthy of preserving — for the sake of peace in the family.
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