Advice compiled and condensed from actual sources by Kelly Jane Torrance, who composed the questions.
I like “Saturday Night Live” as much as the next person - at least when it’s poking fun at Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. But now the show is making fun of me, and that’s no laughing matter.
Last Saturday’s episode featured a skit in which I was portrayed as a bumbling incompetent. I’m legally blind! Of course I bumble now and then. I’m offended that “SNL” would make fun of a disabled person - me - like that, so I’ve spoken out on behalf of all disabled people. Can’t “SNL” be funny without ever making fun of a single disability?
- David Paterson
Dear David,
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
- Robert Benchley
Have you seen the nude pictures of me in GQ? Man, I look good, don’t I? And I’m almost 40. Woo, I am hot.
I’m on fire, and not just with how I look. I’ve got the whole package. I’ve made a big show of dating a younger man the last number of months. I knew when I talked on “Oprah” about us being reunited that the whole world would know the news. Including Angelina Jolie.
It was easy to get attention for talking about that husband-stealer and dating a younger man. But how am I ever going to top these nude pictures? What can I do next to show people that I’m one of the most wanted women in the world?
- Jennifer Aniston
Dear Jennifer,
Power doesn’t have to show off. Power is confident, self-assuring, self-starting and self-stopping, self-warming and self-justifying. When you have it, you know it.
- Ralph Ellison
It seems our great nation is at risk of being without a great dynasty. My uncle Ted might be leaving the Senate soon, and that means the body would be without a Kennedy for the first time in a half-century.
I’ve decided to step in - I want the New York Senate seat being vacated by Hillary Clinton.
I’ve been surprised, though, by the negative talk about my candidacy. People actually seem to believe that being a Kennedy for more than 50 years isn’t enough of a qualification for public service. I suppose I have been pretty bold in going after this seat without having done my time in the ranks. But don’t you think that such boldness itself might speak to my qualifications?
Dear Caroline,
I don’t say ’tis impossible for an impudent man not to rise in the world, but a moderate merit with a large share of impudence is more probable to be advanced than the greatest qualifications without it.
- Mary Worley Montagu
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