Advice compiled and condensed from actual sources by Kelly Jane Torrance, who composed the questions.
I thought I was home free when I was acquitted of killing my ex-wife and her friend over 10 years ago. It turns out I was wrong. I was just sentenced to prison - for a completely different “crime.” I went to a hotel room to get back some items that I’m certain were mine. These sports-memorabilia dealers had stolen property. I don’t see how it’s a crime to take back what’s yours - even if you do bring a gun along. I’m facing nine to 33 years in the slammer for it. It’s obvious the judge sentenced me not for taking my own property, but for that 14-year-old crime. Methinks the lady doth protest too much and all that. How can anyone tell me justice was served with such an outrageous sentence?
- O.J. Simpson
Dear O.J.,
Justice has nothing to do with what goes on in a courtroom; justice is what comes out of a courtroom.
- Clarence Darrow
I made a big show of saying I didn’t want any of my soon-to-be-ex-wife’s money in our divorce. I just wanted time with the kids. Now that the details are coming out, I think I’ve been proven honest [-] $60 to $70 million of her $600-million fortune is pretty much nothing, am I right? It seems that not everyone thinks so, though. I’m getting a lot of razzing for being a millionaire man taking money from a woman. Don’t you think that kind of cash is worth the press, though?
- Guy Ritchie
Dear Guy,
Money often costs too much.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I’ve just gotten the most coveted gig in television news - host of “Meet the Press.” I’m a little bit nervous, though. The last host, the late Tim Russert, was one of the most beloved men in Washington. His show was a ratings bonanza. So, of course, I’m getting a lot of advice about how to do my new job. How can I tell which advice to take and which to ignore?
- David Gregory
Dear David,
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself.
Please read our comment policy before commenting.