Serving up a party

Finger sandwiches for Father’s Day, spilled salsa on a white bridal shower dress, lobster served to a shellfish-intolerant crowd or undercooked meat making its way to the table are all recipes for disaster.

Yes, any special-occasion celebration can turn nightmarish in a jiffy if the host isn’t paying attention to everything from food preparation to the party’s mood and tone. We invited several party, etiquette and food-preparation mavens to help illustrate common faux pas and other don’ts that can crop up while entertaining.

“You have to decide what it’s going to be. You have to define the occasion. Is it a flip-flop or stiletto crowd?” says Diane Phillips, culinary educator and author of “Perfect Party Food.”

This means no watercress-and-goat-cheese sandwiches cut in triangles for Father’s Day, she says.

“Stay away from anything that’s ladies-who-lunch type of food,” Mrs. Phillips says.

Instead, she suggests serving “manly man” food, such as steaks or hamburgers.

Tanya Steel, New York-based editor in chief of Epicurious.com, echoes the sentiment.

“Go for heartier flavors and more abundance when it comes to Father’s Day,” Ms. Steel says. “No elegant finger foods.”

Epicurious.com, which features more than 60,000 recipes, highlights several “manly man” dishes for Father’s Day, such as beer-brined grilled pork chops and spice-roasted porterhouse steaks. Sides include caramelized onion dip with cilantro-garlic pita crisps and red-leaf Caesar salad with grilled Parmesan croutons. Among the desserts, brownies.

Mrs. Phillips’ own Father’s Day recommendations are similar. Her side dishes include brewski cheddar dip (which includes beer as an ingredient), chipotle corn dip and blue cheese Caesar salad; her main-course recommendations include barbecued sirloin roast and New York strip roast. (These recipes can be found in her “Perfect Party Food” book). Hearty indeed. No fuss, no frills.

“And don’t serve low-fat and nonfat products. It’s a fact that you are celebrating something, and lighter foods just aren’t that appealing,” Mrs. Phillips says.

Another recipe for Father’s Day menu success is to serve nostalgic foods, Ms. Steel says.

“What are the things that his mom made him? Party food is all about connections. To people, to memories, to places,” she says.

Mrs. Phillips agrees and says this is why she thinks pigs-in-a-blanket — basic ingredients: cocktail franks, puff pastry and mustard — are one of the most popular summer party foods, even in health-conscious California, where she lives and works.

“I’m pretty sure it’s nostalgia. People remember how mom used to wrap hot dogs in Pillsbury Crescent rolls. … And they love it,” Mrs. Phillips says.

On the other hand, if being nostalgic means that the host has to try new and possibly involved recipes, it’s better to stay away from those particular dishes — reminiscence-conducive or not.

“This is not the time to experiment with wild and crazy recipes. You want to make something you know people will like and that you know how to make,” Ms. Steel says.

So, you don’t want to make anything too complicated or too unusual either, Mrs. Phillips cautions.

“Don’t serve rabbit. It turns people off and is difficult to eat. Lots of bones,” she adds.

Ostrich and emu — while interesting and appealing to some — also are too exotic to serve at many get-togethers, she says.

“If it’s very unusual, you should probably stay away from it,” Mrs. Phillips says.

Ditto if it’s something to which a lot of people are allergic, such as shellfish, which also can be a little tricky to eat.

“I would not recommend crab, crawfish or shrimp boils. Some people are even repulsed by shellfish,” Ms. Steel says, probably challenging the beliefs of many folks here in crab country.

“And generally, you don’t want to serve things that require any real skill or knowledge to eat.”

Adds Leah Ingram, author of “The Everything Etiquette Book: A Modern-Day Guide to Good Manners,” among other etiquette titles: “You don’t want it to become a stressful situation for anyone. You don’t want to put any undue pressure on your guests. It is your duty as a host to make people feel comfortable, which means not serving foods that make them feel awkward or uneasy.”

Or worse, embarrassed.

If the food is messy — which shellfish tends to be — that can get on people’s nerves, too, Mrs. Phillips says.

“Some people really hate eating with their hands, whether it’s fried chicken or crabs,” she says, “but if you end up serving messy food anyway, just make sure you have a place where people can clean up easily.”

Speaking of messy, it’s one thing to serve red sauces such as salsa and ketchup at a barbecue and a totally different matter to serve them at a fancy cocktail party where people are wearing their latest and greatest (and maybe most expensive) tuxedos or evening gowns.

“It comes back to the whole ’you want the food to match the mood and the mood to match the food,’ ” says Ms. Steele. “Who and/or what are you honoring?”

So, while Epicurious.com features hearty fare for Father’s Day, it favors caviar, chicken liver mousse and dilled salmon tartare on whole-grain bread for a New Year’s celebration.

Tartare, of course, brings us to scrumptious raw meats and fish versus less enjoyable illness-inducing raw meats and fish. Raw or undercooked chicken and pork, for example, make most people’s digestive systems pretty unhappy, and most hosts would never knowingly serve raw chicken tenders or pork loin tartare.

Even so, food poisoning happens occasionally (one in 10 Americans experiences food poisoning at least once a year, according to the Atlanta-based Centers for Disease Control and Prevention), and oftentimes the culprit is a cutting board or serving plate that has held pre-grilled meats.

“You need to make sure the raw meats are kept separate from everything else,” Ms. Steel says. It might seem self-evident, but make sure that the plate that held precooked meats is washed thoroughly before becoming a serving plate for the cooked meats, she says, adding that she recently went to a party where eight out of 10 guests got sick from hamburgers that were served on a plate that previously had held raw meat.

Another thing that might nauseate guests — although it probably doesn’t make them violently sick a la salmonella — is scented candles. They should be avoided, Mrs. Phillips says, because they interfere with the sense of taste.

“Imagine smelling potpourri while you’re trying to enjoy a steak,” she says. Or vanilla when you’re eating a dill dip or lavender when you’re sipping a margarita.

Speaking of margaritas. Alcohol often can become a sticking point for hosts and their guests because someone, well, overindulges. Should the host simply throw out the intoxicated guest, or is that an etiquette no-no?

“First remove the alcohol, and then if that doesn’t work, remove the person,” Ms. Steel says. “But you should never scream at them. Try to do it elegantly and quietly. You’re saving that person’s dignity.”

Ms. Ingram is less patient.

“You don’t give them an option,” she says. “You just drive them home.”

Aside from the liquor lovers, there are guests who simply won’t leave even if everyone else left an hour earlier and the host has started loading the dishwasher. What to do?

“You start blowing out candles, turning out lights, put on your bathrobe,” Ms. Ingram says. But those hangers-on are still there. Can we be blunt?

“Yes, absolutely. You just have to say it: ’I need to you leave now,’ ” she says. “It might be awkward, but so what? Some people just don’t get it unless you’re direct.”

Well, let’s hope it doesn’t come to that — or food poisoning or rabbit or fussy finger foods — during today’s Father’s Day celebration. Instead, let’s hope dad enjoys hearty and abundant food of his choice. Bon appetit.